TU18/3/2003: playing some kind of duplicity trick on a nurse as i am wheeled on a hospital bed/stretcher. i am not really ill but we have to play a trick on the authorities. the nurse she says "so you would take a certain large amount of pills before going on the plane?" to which i reply with a nod, in a corridor. prior to this i had jumped off a cliff to come down to some watery lower area. other people were around.
then a fairly evil atmosphere? it is the country and i have used all the wrong influences to make a "ghost train" which is a real full-sized train but an invisible one, at least with invisible carriages. it comes thundering around the bend and i am afraid of it, but i can see some of the carriages as visible. also the railway track is in a short loop.
a copy of a music magazine for keyboard players. i think i need a more relaxed approach to music, where i find one riff leads to the next, that kind of thing. i am thinking of Andrew Farriss of INXS. then violent scenes in a jungle are recorded in the magazine, of F-14 Tomcats and helicopters are flying around through the vegetation and doing battle. also in an advert a kid has a mask on, with the slogan "racist". the mask looks very sinister but is designed to protect him:
also a stand-in keyboard player for INXS is black and has his own solo project advertized in the magazine.
then i go to a farm house where i get the blues and because i am late i eat the remaining food from dinner. Noel is there but he is different, like a macho version of Noel. he is watching the tv and as i slope off i can hear him with his macho pal laughing at the tv. i feel so angry about the noise that i rush through and confront him about it. he is watching the grid iron. dinner was rice topped texas jack. in the end i psychotically embrace Noel and he seems to understand. i say something like "i don't like it when you are like this" but i am slightly bullying him out of his tv. i was depressed about the music.
WE19/3/2003: i get into some deep trouble at the Chis 'n Sid. i am wearing my leather jacket and it is the end of an exam in the sports hall. Stewart Gandy, Edward Hyme and the short dark haired guy who fought me are strongly there. i think i am in detention with Mr. Horrobin but he only chuckles as we all leave. i said to the others that i am wearing my best clothes for trouble, my purple shirt which the dark haired kid smiles at. i think Edward will react badly to me but he remains silent.
Tim from school is really upbeat and is enthusing about this ancient diary he has seen which has all these alternative possibilities of things which might happen. then i get inspired and think my dream diary should be like that, kind of non-linear with intersections. i am talking about this to a woman. drugs is also related to this. at one stage i am on a roof.
having fun in a town while i play with a tiger and a python. the Caines are around and i am playfully arguing with Abby. also i am confessing to drinking absinthe and watching my dreams? Joan says she likes her black and white dreams. i say i have been getting more of these, linked to the absinthe. also there is a sign outside of a playhouse with minstrels or pirates on it. a positive emotion is associated with this dream.
then i am walking back (on a weekend?) from the Chis n' Sid where Tim and others are going for a race-relations debate. Tim is all fired up as i pass him in the street. then i start to hum "The Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson as i pass the traffic lights. i am singing it infront of all the traffic, really leaping about and quite exhilirated. i think as look in a mirror how i should write a song like "The Dope Show", something i know intimately and learn it. i am quite fired up about the idea aswell. then all of a sudden i am reading from "The Penis Cookbook" which is a real cookbook but with sexy jokes in it as i am writing with a pen like a penis. some connection with Noel.
also a hallucination of me as a pirate smiling beautifically on the cover of a book with a red sunset and a parrot (more than one book cover)... it was hilarious.
earlier with the tiger and the python i was kicking or somehow rolling the python...
WE26/3/2003: this woman wants her "mister" back and is singing about this. meanwhile someone is silently comforting her sobs. he was supposed to walk home that evening through the countryside. in the middle of this i am having a meal of bread with a massive chunk of cheese (not cheddar) which i cut off with a knife. once i put away the cheese on a school desk this tall silent comforting chap takes away the cheese. also Brian Molko featured heavily in the dream. he seemed very friendly and inviting.
then walking through some kind of palace buildings at night/evening with a really sad atmosphere. i had just finished at Orpington College and was making my way back past all these people. at one point i go through an archway which is like a veranda of a room where dressed up people are awaiting the start of a banquet. i feel self-concious but not in a bad way. i am sliding one hand awkwardly in my trouser pocket. a couple who i feel some affinity with are sitting at a table in the night air discussing something. i want to say something to them but i don't.
a large dream: i am sitting in the Chis n' Sid hall when the show begins... dancers onstage. but i leave. walking through Sidcup i boldy say that i don't need the yoga or the tarot... "all i need is the dream diary, because the dreamer reaches the energy body". as i walk i become confident then all of a sudden i am bounding through the air like a comic book character as i am in New York and it is "my turn" to sing... the music starts and it is "Guns in the Sky" by INXS. as i sing the lyrics i feel fantastic, but while i walk through the busy path/park i sense an evil presence behind me and i turn to look and see a large nasty pinball/enemy character which is chasing me. i keep punching it, convinced i will lose but i carry on and i am winning! when i get to the steps at the far end of the park i feel elated and surprised that i actually won. the walk through Sidcup felt dangerous like i was off the drugs but i realised that the dream diary had to win out in the end and that it would automatically kick in if i was tough enough.
then a woman is sensitive with her body in the back of a kind of van/bus. the bus is going up a windy mountainous road. i am the woman and i am looking out the back of the bus. before this i was walking down the path by the rugby fields of Chis n' Sid going home when i start flirting with some girls, but i hear Eminem talking to me saying i am soft for loving women when i should really hate them because this is more sexy and is what they want. as i think about this i hear him sing about having sex then i am thinking about my dad's relationship with my mother. all of a sudden as i walk up the road north past the Black Horse i feel snow the "secret witch" behind me and she closes in on me. all of a sudden the sky is a massive hurricane of clouds and i am swept off my feet and hurled through the air as i think "this is what astral projection is really like". i was thinking about how snow controls me.
then standing around with some locals in India by a bus when one of them is talking to me. he says "i know the word for motorcycle". there is a brief pause then he says "it is Dulverton" then they all break out in good natured laughter.
then in a different home as Noel is discussing something with Nigel downstairs. i had been planning to do sleep deprivation but they seem to be laughing at me (Noel and Nigel).
TH3/4/2003: very realistic dream where i am on the set of a tv programme which is really like a railway station, but i am interferring forcefully with what is going on. in the end they throw me out but the same antics occur in reverse at a sunny open air event. when i say in reverse i mean that other people start forcefully messing with me.
then Joan and i are in London but the wrong area of London. then we get a kind of rip-off cab to another part of London. something to do with spaghetti sauce and the tower of London. also a man and a young woman are giving us the rather dodgy cab service. at one stage they drive right over the central road reservation and under what seems to be the Hammersmith flyover but all of a sudden the tower of London is in sight even though i was looking forward to a longer cab journey. i remark that we have travel cards if we need to get home. the young woman is wrapped in a fur coat, and is hyperactive and smiling too. is she eastern eauropean?
then a long train journey develops into a game where you have to jump on these funny characters like toy soldiers except they aren't soldiers but bearded men in fur coats. i am watching my own self fall in love with this woman on the train and also i note that the train is going much too fast and appears to be not going in a straight line on the rails anymore... i.e. not on the rails at all, as it careens into a railway station with danger of crashing. the funny men are attacking me. also strange plucked music is in the background.
then i am someone who is pretending to go to university on the train. but the trains have been especially created so there is no way to escape the overcrowding. in the end i slope off to a sinister park/complex of passages which is also especially created so i cannot find a place by myself. then i find myself in the business/city area where i have contention with some workers. finally i lie down in some bushes in a park and tell the passing people to piss off. note that the people on one train going home looked like writhing maggots. also note that the warren of passages looked like a sugary magazine for women, but spooky also.
then a dream which leaves me with a strong feeling of who my mother is and where she came from. also related to train journeys.
some sort of professor who is a guru on the process of urination.
